My Will
I will go round and go round,
Till I am dizzy with your thoughts,
And I feel like the groggy frog
Each brick of whose well is you.
I will run and I will run,
Till I am thirsting for a breath
And in doing so feel alike to
When you tired me out with love.
I will write and I will write,
Till I fill everything with words
And of these words that you said
Make a tomb of memories.
I will sing and I will sing,
Till I swoon to welcoming Death
And meet with you my only love
On the better side of life.
posted by Parth @ 8:30 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
isnt it getting a little repititive now?
Didn't like it too much. Rhyme/meter?
-- Akshaya
herenow, if u mean "repetitive" do tell me why also. do u mean the romantic theme or something else? i'll try some other theme soon.
braveheart, sorry to disappoint. its blank verse so no rhyme and has a 7-8-8-7 syllabic meter.
well yes, a typing mishtake...the theme, the feel, both.
uve done better bfore.
i'll echo the comments n will say: u can do better than this!
Hi there,
Kudos on the nice little analecta you've got here.. is it out of a bigger work under construction?
Its delightful that most of your rhymes are quite straightforward, words never masquerading the content. Though I'm not sure if words ought to be disregarded entirely - "hairs", "outbrimming/outbrimmed", etc - I'm not sure they exist! As for the rhyme, its simple and transperent, lends itself beautifully to light, fun poems or a short cursory take on anything. For more serious ponderings, like A Walk in the Graveyard, a more serious rhyming style would be better suited (unless you want to make the poem fun, like Marquis in 'archy interviews a pharaoh'). Finally, as other people have already pointed out, content seems to repeat through the collection and ideas therein lack depth. Its a superficial first-layer view on most topics - a good first-layer view but superficial nonetheless. Would love to see you become a better poet who maybe churns out fewer poems but brings something new with each one. I'm sure with time you'll grow into a better person and your work will begin to reflect that. A healthy transmogrification.
A great effort, and definite signs of a talent in the making. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I really think some more work is required before Parra's requirements are fulfilled:
Young Poets
Write as you will
In whatever style you like
Too much blood has run under the bridge
To go on believing
That only one road is right.
In poetry everything is permitted.
With only this condition of course,
You have to improve the blank page.
-- Nicanor Parra
Cheers,
Sumit
Amazing poetry ...one needs to look into the deep meaning of the words that been used..!
Kudos to u
Cheers
awesome poem. i think my boyfriend feels the same way you do :P
THIS IS MY FAVORITE.
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